“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
-Mark Twain
April 7, 2011
I leave the beautiful country of New Zealand tomorrow. I never thought that day would come. I looked forward to going to New Zealand for 3 years and now my time in New Zealand is over. I am going to miss it so much and have very mixed emotions about leaving. The time I have spent in New Zealand has been the hardest and best time of my life. It may be hard to believe that a semester in New Zealand during summer and missing the states winter with friends, travel, and teaching is one of the hardest things I have done, but it is. It was definitely not an easy adventure. I had such a hard time being away from family and friends and missing what was happening at home. I have never been more homesick than some of the days here. I have gone multiple times wondering if we will have enough food for another meal or if we will get to eat. I have lived with people that lie and steal. I have been through good and bad times with friends. I have lived without the internet, with limited water at times, out a suitcase for a month and out of a backpack on every trip. Some of this stuff was actually easy, but my home stay and not being able to communicate with family was the hardest.And I think even more this was the hardest thing I have ever done because of changes that went on inside me and challenges the Lord gave me.
I am so grateful for the hard things I have gone through and the way my faith has grown. I have so much more trust in my Savior now and go to Him with every decision I have to make or anytime I need someone to turn to. I know He is always there and that he listens. One of the hardest things for me was not being able to go to the temple because it was far away. I am used to going to the temple multiple times a week and it is one of the most important things in my life. Not having one close made me miss it even more and makes it even more important to me and more important for me to go often when I get home. It was hard to live in a home without the priesthood. I never realized how blessed I really am to have a father that holds the priesthood. I am looking forward to going home and having the blessings of the priesthood in my home again. The Lord has taught me how to live with and even love people that do not know how to treat others. He has taught me to love people so much more fully than I ever thought possible through the hearts of the children and some of the kiwis I met here. It was so hard for me not to be able to listen to conference and hear a prophet's voice, but I am so grateful for the internet and ways for me to now access it. I have learned to value conference even more now though and the trials of now having access to some of the blessings of the gospel have made me a stronger person and brought so much perspective in to my life. I have grown in faith and now have no worries about the future and unknown because being in New Zealand has taught me to trust in the Lord and to let Him guide me in every step of life. My testimony has grown in so many ways and I just want to share it with everyone. I want everyone to know how glorious the gospel is and what a blessing it is in my life and how much love I have for my Savior Jesus Christ and for Heavenly Father. I have changed so much in 3 short months and am so grateful for the woman I have become.
I went to visit room 6 today and was rushed by 15 five year olds in a bear hug. One of the most amazing feelings. These kids mean the world to me and it breaks my heart that I really may never see them again. They have changed me in so many ways and really showed me how to love. They are who I have to thank for the teacher I am becoming. I will never be the same because those children and Amy and others at Henderson South were in my life.
James Ahmu is also one I will never forget and one that has shown me what charity, love, and humility really mean. I admire him so much and will always be grateful for the time he spent with us and the place I have for him in my heart. This trip could not have happened without him. This trip also would not have been as meaningful as it has been to me without Dr Jacobs and Linda. They really made this trip, and I have grown to love them so much. Linda was the mother figure I needed here and was always there to talk to and to help me have a better day I am so grateful for her. Jim never thought he would be coming back to New Zealand, but I still remember the feeling I got when I got accepted and found out he was the director. It felt so right and I know he is the director I needed in New Zealand. He has taught me so much and it is from his example, that I have seen great faith and humility. He has such a wide perspective of life and people and I truly admire him for it. He was there for me through thick and thin during this experience and if any other professor would have come over I really do not think I would have gotten the experience I did in New Zealand or grown so much. He really helped me to do so. I will forever be grateful to him. I take great comfort in knowing that if I do not see the people I met here in New Zealand, James, or the Jacobs for a very long time that I will see them again and that I will have an eternity with the people I have grown to love here. This knowledge is the only thing that makes it possible for me to say goodbye. I know I will see each of the people I have grown to love again if not in this life, most definitely in the next.
James, Jim, and Linda are not the only family I have gained over here. I have also gained 15 sisters. I love each of the girls over here and each one of them brought something different to the group and helped to change me. Many of them were examples to me and have helped me to grow in the gospel and love my Savior more. They have become part of my family and it is hard for me to picture a life without them and to see us going separate ways. I will always hold each of the girls in my heart and I hope that all of us can remain close friends for eternity. I can't believe that all of these people now mean so much to me and that I have to say goodbye to them. I can't believe that some of the most important people to me my family and friends back home have never met and may not ever meet. I wish I could introduce my family to the incredible girls I spent the 3 months with and that they could meet Jim, Linda, and James. Leaving them and leaving New Zealand is so hard for me. Much harder than I ever expected and harder than it was for me to leave home because I knew I would get to come home. Saying goodbye to people you may not see for a very long time is so hard. It bring tears to my eyes every time I think of how much I love James, Jim, Linda, Katie, Becca, Allie, Kara, Nicole, Neeley, Emily, Whitney, Jessica, Christine, Anna, Heidi, Janet, Diana, and Nancy and how much I am going to miss seeing them and having them in my life. Life really will not be the same without my BYU New Zealand family.
What I am going to miss about New Zealand..... 16 BYU Princesses, Jim and Linda, James, the beautiful scenery, the beaches, the bush, New Zealand lingo, room 6, Henderson south, road trips in the vans, endless pb&js, seeing the most beautiful places on earth, the gorgeous skies all the time, sunset, sunrises, hiking, rugby games, Friends night with Nancy, talking to Katie on hikes, taking the bus with Gecko, walking everywhere, life without a cell phone, summer in January, glow worms, meat pie, jump jam, Nancy playing Friday for me, no school on Fridays, magnum bars, tastis, passion fruit, kiwi accents and hospitality, living on the edge, and so much more.
What I am looking forward to when I get home... seeing family, catching up with friends,being close to a temple, going to the temple all the time, ATL temple open house and dedication, last semester of BYU football games, conference in Oct, Easter with my family, teaching, working, EFY, planning a wedding, being in GA, having a phone, sleeping in my own bed,seeing Alison and her kids, going to FL, driving, not having to worry about having food everyday, summer, mom's cooking, exercising, walks with mom, seeing my dogs, playing with my brother, talking with my sisters, games with family, watching my Disney movies, going to singles ward, going to pilgrim mill ward and coal mountain ward, lunch with my brother, getting a hair cut, printing off pictures, sharing my stories, going to friend's weddings, a summer full of fun and surprises, my adventure is not ending with New Zealand I am looking forward to going home and continuing to grow and get closer to becoming the woman Heavenly Father knows I can be and reaching my full potential. I have so much to look forward to. I really am so blessed.
Things I never would have done if I did not come to New Zealand... bungee jumped, zorbed gone to a sheep show, seen Hobbiton, seen 2 oceans come together, gone sailing, gone on the sand dunes, dug a hole on the beach to reach hot water, met James Ahmu, taught in room 6, luge, seen glow worms, tried fejoa, tried kumera, learned Maori, taken a train for 12 hours, taken a cable car, lived without a cell phone, lived without a dryer, ridden the world's largest swing, and so much more. But most importantly I never would have grown and changed so much in 3 months or met people that are now family. I would not change the experience I have had here for anything and I will never be the same again because of the difference it has made in my life.
Inside jokes... hands underground, sweet as, steam roller, take a picture girls, roll call, I want my nuts back, what's your major, hey ____ what are you doing today?, introducing the band of the New Zealand army- The New Zealand Army van, Friday, I have a song for you, make-shift pancakes, the face, etc. We had way too much fun together.
Life if a funny thing. You never realize how much is going to mean to you or how fast time is going to fly until it is over. This time I had in New Zealand, really was so short, but I lived everyday to the fullest and will never forget the experiences I had here. I will continue to be a changed person because of the experiences I have had in New Zealand. We came to Earth to gain experience, to grow and to change and to become like our Heavenly Father. I have so far still to go and so much to look forward to in life, but the experiences I have had in New Zealand have helped to refocus and open my perspective to a new understanding of life and all it has to offer, the importance of having experiences, and the importance enduring life's challenges well and living the motto "come what may and love it." Everything I have experienced in New Zealand and in life I owe to a loving Heavenly Father. I am so grateful for His love for me and for His plan for me. I am who I am because of the knowledge I have of Him and his love for me and because I love my Savior Jesus Christ loves me, and because of this glorious gospel. I am so grateful loving parents and grandparents that helped me to get to New Zealand and for friends and family that love hearing about the experiences I have had and helping me continue to treasure them. I may not know what is in store for my life after New Zealand, but I do know that I was supposed to come to New Zealand and that it was part of the Lord's plan for me. I know that He will continue to guide me as I leave New Zealand and continue on my journey home and throughout life and eternity.